Quality Child Care Leads to Smarter Teens

This story has been all over the news the past couple of days.  Although I, personally, don’t have my kids in childcare, I have thought about it from time to time, whenever I let the idea of going back to work linger in my mind.  The study basically shows how ‘quality’ child care at a very young age is linked with ‘smarter teens’.

Hmmm….so what difference does this make to those of us whose kids aren’t in child care?

I started thinking about my own feelings about child care.. In my mind, it didn’t matter what this study showed.  Kids are always better off with me right?  I mean, I’m their mom.  It doesn’t matter what this study ‘proved’….I KNOW my kids are better off with me…

Or are they?

If we think back 1400 years ago (give or take), wasn’t there another human being who was also in ‘child care’ who grew up to become the most amazing human being that was ever created?  Actually, he (May Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) didn’t even have child care, it was more like boarding school….until the age of FOUR!  Can we even imagine such a thing?!

I’m not saying that there are not benefits to time spent with mothers…I’m simply saying that perhaps, before we pass judgment or form our own opinions, we open our minds a little more and reflect….

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“Tips for Parenting Muslim Teens and Pre-teens” by Afshana Haque

Recently in Houston there was a workshop on Parenting.  Afshana Haque gave some really good points that I wanted to pass along.  I wasn’t really able to sit through the whole program (b/c my wonderful children wouldn’t stay in baby-sitting) but the bits and pieces I picked up were really helpful, even for parents of small children.

Tips for Parenting Muslim teens and pre-teens

1. Always demonstrate love and affection, with both girls AND boys
2. Compliment them often (10 compliments to every 1 constructive criticism)
3. Plan and create quality, enjoyable family time
4. Engage your them when creating household rules
5. Have the rules clearly written and displayed
6. Create clearly defined boundaries and limits
7. CONSISTENTLY enforce the household rules
8. Create agreed upon consequences for every broken rule
9. Allow them to EARN their privileges instead of simply giving it to them
10. Place time limits on use of electronics (cell phone, TV, internet etc.)
11. When rules are broken, take away privileges, screaming and berating is not necessary. Let them know that the consequence is a result of their own choices and actions and that it is no sweat off your back.
12. Create a space in the house for homework to be done
13. Be involved in their school (attend PTA meetings, sporting events, etc.)
14. Help them break up their homework so that they can meet their deadlines with minimal stress.
15. Encourage extra curricular activities, especially those that involve other Muslim children & families (if there are none available, create them!)
16. Get to know the families of your children’s friends, Muslim OR Non-Muslim
17. Find a balance between trusting them and asserting your right as a parent to know what is going on in their lives.
18. If they break your trust, grant them opportunities to earn back your trust.
19. Listen to what they have to say, sometimes without input, feedback or judgment
20. Don’t be afraid of them, they need and want your attention more then you can imagine.
21. Be an example to them, they really are doing what you do and not what you say. Be the Muslim/Muslimah you want them to be.
22. Pray and read Qur’an together. *note: this should not replace family fun time.
23. SEX, DRUGS, and ALCOHOL should not be taboo topics. If you are not talking with them about it, make sure somebody you TRUST is talking to them about it!
24. Actively seek the help of family, extended relatives, friends, and community members at any points of distress.
25. Parenting is HARD, VERY HARD. Do not shy away from asking for help. Reach out early. Do not wait until your situation it is entirely unmanageable, or when it is too late. There is no shame in seeking counseling or therapy.

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